It was in my kitchen playing poker with my friends that I decided what my new life ambition would be. This kitchen is a room that I have spent countless hours in, playing cards or board games with friends and family. You see, this house was like a second home to me. I have just as many memories here as I do anywhere, even the home I grew up in. This was my great grandparents house and playing cards or board games was the thing to do here. They had it built before I was born and I have spent my whole life playing with my great grandparents, my grandmother, my mom, cousins, my uncle and I would even bring my friends here to play with my family. So many memories in this room, right here in this kitchen. The house is mine now but five generations of family have memories here.
Long story made short, I have been in need of a new life goal for several years now. For my whole life it was to be a family man, but most importantly a father. To raise a child or children. For me that was the meaning of my life, the one thing that would make my life feel fulfilling. I have spent several years trying to come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to fulfill that dream. I have a daughter and I will always be a father to her, but not in the way that I have always envisioned. I wont be able to watch her grow and mature on a daily basis. Just 4 days a month with her is about all I can expect. That is the world we live in. I have been moving forward with no ambition, no goals and no road ahead ever since the breakup with her mother. It wasn't until tonight that I came up with a new goal. It wont be as fulfilling and that "hole" left by the only life goal I have ever felt will never be truly filled. But, at least now, I think I have something to look forward to.
I like to write and truly enjoy experiencing the wonders of nature and ancient civilizations. So, that is what I am going to work towards. Travelling the world and writing about what I see. I started a book years ago and this experience will help me finish it, I hope. I will become a better writer and learn to use my words in new ways, all while seeing what the natural world has to show me. I plan to write about the things I see, but also write short magical stories set in those natural scenes. These short stories will likely become a huge part of the book I started writing many years ago. I plan to keep an online log of it all, right here on my website.
I have spent most of this night figuring out how I will accomplish this and I still have no idea. Maybe I can land a job that lets me travel. Maybe I can figure out a way to live and travel with low income. I don't know but I will find a way. In the meantime, I can take short day trips to start my journal of journey. Even better, I can start right here in Wilmington, NC. I work 6 days a week and have so many things that I need to be doing but I will find the time. Meanwhile working towards simplifying life and figuring out how to move forward.
So, it seems fitting that I start with this house. The plan is to treat all of these places I will visit and adventures that I will experience as writing workshops. Starting with somewhere so familiar feels right. Choosing my family home as a starting point feels exciting but also overwhelming. I could write so much about this place and the 41 years of memories here.
So, let the journey begin!